I ran through a long list of differences: sun, rain, soil composition and nutrients, shade...
He said, "But is the essence of the fruit still a raspberry?"
This week I told a couple of friends about this dream. It is one which I call on frequently to remind myself that regardless of how I nurture my children, the essence of each of them is still the unique mystery that they arrived on this Earth with. I didn't know why I would feel compelled to share this dream until today.
Over the weekend I received more bad news about DeeJay. Yesterday, I went to McDonald's to chat with him before work. Willie was with me. Willie was nervous and wondering what I was going to say, or do... I told him I didn't know. I silently asked for spiritual help, because honestly, I didn't know what I was going to do, but I did not want to freak out in McDonald's.
When he walked in I rose to meet him. He was in really bad shape and he was really high. I suppose this has been going on for a couple weeks since he's been hiding from us for that long.
(How no one in management noticed this before they let him stand over a hot fryer is beyond me and something I am working on.)
He wouldn't tell us what he was on, but I've known a lot of drunk stoners in my day and they were (are) all much more pleasant than this. I swept him up and outside and without too much trouble and not having to strong arm him too much, I got him into my car. I proceeded to Mema's where she got him into a hot shower. He has been wearing his McDonald's pants for so many days in a row that they are covered with tiny burn holes.
I then took him to our house for a pleasant meal with Maygen (my strong arm) and Valda (my medical professional). He spoke with both of his parents on the phone and we proceeded to buy him a ticket to Guam for the next morning. Vince was doing his part by making lists of the most essential tasks that he must complete before leaving the state and by texting me help and reminders. DeeJay remained calm and quiet, stiffening with rage occasionally but then giving in to his spaced out dead end. He was agreeable for the most part, and aware that it was time for him to go.
We went to Suzanne's and packed his bag. We went to Mema's and said good-bye. It was 10pm and he slept all the way to Soldotna. We talked with Vince and said goodbye. He slept until I woke him for the plane.
In contrast, Willie was a solid companion the entire journey. We saw a wolf, a lynx, and an owl. (I will be looking up their meanings soon.) When we pulled into the airport at 3am he exclaimed, "Ooh! Look Escalators!" That is sure not what was on my mind after listening to DeeJay snore in the back of the car for four hours.
By this time he was agitated and starting to realize what was happening. He would not talk to us, look at us, say anything pleasant to us. We watched as he boarded the plane.
He came to me 3 years ago with many problems. I fought for him at every turn. He was a full time kid. I turned him loose with conditions for two weeks and he couldn't do it. He couldn't even realize who his true friends were.
I am trying to comfort myself by reminding myself of my Master in the dream. I remind myself that I nurtured him with the most intensely fertile soil I had, and still, the essence of the boy that Lucy was so worried about three years ago remained intact. He has a life path and he has chosen to stay on it, he has chosen not to become a big juicy buttery berry but instead to stay a small tart little nip.
I have such a wonderfully supportive group of friends and family around me, near and far. This would not have been possible without you all.
And the reason for this posting is to let you know that I am so sad... I love you DeeJay. I am sorry it had to end this way...
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