Monday, August 30, 2010

Alaska's Got Talent...Ninilchik Style


(You can thank Willie for any motion sickness you might experience from watching the above film)

On the day of the Alaska's Got Talent competition at The Ninilchik Fair, I said to Falcom, "Hey, you know we talked about this...do you still want to do it?"  When he casually said "Yea,"  I opened the computer to find out what day the competition was, and oops...  wouldn't you know the competition was in three hours. 

"Yea, I still want to do it.  I'll sing something like...Maybe This Time...  can you get the music from I-Tunes?  I'll get dressed." 

We scurried.  He belted it out a couple times and off we went.  Mema joined us.  I took Willie out of work at McDonald's early.  The sun was shining. 

My friend, whose name I won't mention here but who is a singer, told me that at this competition, there was no way Fal could win.  Not because of his talent, but because this is the Ninilchik Fair.  "For God's Sake!"  he said, "We are talking about a Rodeo Fair at Ninilchik!  Tell me, he is going to perform in cameo?  A country western song?  Fal?  He should sing whatever he wants because... this is Falcom we are talking about.  Maybe if he looked more like Justin Beiber or was singing at a fund raiser for the TeaParty..."

Sure enough, the competition was littered with cowboys and young women singing heartbreak songs.  One of the talented dance troops from Soldotna was dressed in Cameo.  One man recited Robert Frost from memory.  There was a young woman who sang a piece from Wicked.  "Oh Mema!  I know this one and I love it."  Falcom began to sing along and was out singing the girl.  Mema had to hush him.  One dancing group had a very hip hip/hop song and Willie and I turned to each other at the same time because we both heard the profane lyrics at the same time.

Falcom tried to change the pronouns in his song so that the crowd at the fair would not have that "gender confusion" that people often get when they see a boy sing a girl song or a girl sing a boy song.  He wore pants and a t-shirt.

When he was done the entire crowd was blown away.  This is something I find wondrous and it may be my favorite part of being his stage mom.  People can not believe the voice to come out of this kid!  Listening to their comments and seeing their expressions is wonderful.  A photographer came to me to ask me what my daughters name was.  Before I could be gender ambiguous and break it gently that Falcom is a boy, a friend ran up to us shouting, "Oh My God!  He was great!"  The look on the photographers face was so confused and priceless.  All over a couple of pronouns.

After an extended wait and a pig race (which is not nearly as exciting as one might think) we learned that Falcom came in third place behind a dance troop and a young woman singing Etta James.  She was really good and will be performing at the State Fair competition in Palmer next week.  The judges made a special point to let us know that they felt Falcom was out of this world and that they will be very interested to see what he does in the years to come.  They felt he was a little young for all that big competition stuff. 

I was secretly relieved.  Performing this way has so much to do with molding yourself to the wants and desires of others: be that a row of judges or an audience.  I know that Falcom has his own destiny, but I want him to know who is is inside before he gets caught up in the world of performing.  A year or two out of the state fair is fine with me!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Honey Harvest Day

Has this been the rainiest summer in Homer on record? There is no debate that this has been the worst honey year for the bees here at Greear Family Farm. Bees like to be warm. That didn't happen this summer. Bees like flowers with pollen. That didn't happen this summer.

Last year we gathered over 6 gallons of honey from one hive. This year with two hives we gathered less than one gallon. We'll have to think of other items to give as gifts this Christmas!


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Friday, August 27, 2010

Dale and Sharon: The Wedding


I've been receiving many requests for wedding gossip.  "Everything seemed so smooth!  Come on... was there any drama before the wedding."  Drama?  At a wedding?  That never happens! Oh, OK, let me quote one very funny remark said to me by one relative (to read this put on an East Coast Ethnic Accent):  "Ten years already!  Can you see the crease, in my tongue?  From biting it all this time!  Dale.  He is a very great man, and what a wonderful father! but two kids?  Make it legal already!"

Following is the transcript from the ceremony and random pictures of the event.  To see exceptional pictures on Facebook friend Sharon Roufa.  Sharon's Aunt and Uncle are professional photographers and there you will find some stunning shots.  Remember this was a speech and so, grammatically it's funky.  I also didn't write it totally on my own.  I borrowed the 'preachy part' from friendlyathiest.com.  Sharon and Dale tweaked a part or two and wrote their own vows.

As you think of the Wedding, and the wonderful friends and family that surrounded the couple, note that Michael Laffen provided an excellent musical backdrop and some great laughs.  Joel Cooper made for a superior best man, not only by being a super handsome backdrop for the groom but by being a willing and patient swing dancing partner.  Bonita Banks was able to refit Sharon's mother's dress to fit Sharon beautifully!   Bonita's partner Theresa had a secret job that she perfected, but we won't get into that here.  Really, this was a full community participation event.  I could never thank everyone who helped in some way or another.  I mean, kabob making night!  How many of us were there rocking out at the bakery and laughing?  And Abbie...your job was critical...

I will set the scene:  The sun occasionally shone as clouds were moving in and out over the property.  A beautiful spread was laid out over a newly cleared yard.  A stage was set up for the band.  The music was a perfect mix of traditional and modern. Here I go:

I would like to draw from a passage in Michael Ignatieff's essay "Lodged in Heart and Memory";


“As time begins to elapse, one begins to love the other because they have shared the same experience. Selves may not intertwine; but lives do, and shared memory becomes as much of a bond as the bond of the flesh.”

Today we publicly affirm the union of Dale Banks and Sharon Roufa. To begin, I would like to draw on our shared memory of these two as we celebrate the bond these two have chosen to undertake.

The first time I saw Dale he was standing at the payphone outside Eagle Quality Center returning messages he had received on the bush lines. It was deep fall and it was pouring rain, much like this summer. He had filled his water jugs from the spicket and was putting them in his car and the two of us realized we lived very close to each other on Diamond Ridge Road. Our homes were not even a mile apart.

Don’t misunderstand, I lived in a luxury spread with my girlfriends, Dale lived in a homestead cabin that seemed pretty far off the road (especially in winter). He hauled his water, composted, and conserved. He was a loyal and devoted father to Sophie and Hailey. He threw wonderful sledding parties on full moon nights. He fought offshore oil drilling and worked to help the city of Homer institute a recycling program at the landfill. He started his recycled products company. He also played drums made out of sheet metal in his band Club Rubucava whose hit included “Urea”. He was banned from being a dj at KBBI for playing music that was deemed ‘inappropriate’ (even at midnight) and so he considered doing pirate radio… But that is another story.

My first memory of Sharon was seeing her in Two Sisters Bakery (in the old location), she hadn’t been baking there too long. She was chatting about how she was going to build a cabin on the land she had just bought. “So”, she said, “I checked out some books on building at the library and I was surprised to find that it’s no more difficult than piecing together a dress. They write those books for men for god’s sake.” I was amazed at her awesomeness. Since that time, there has never been a time that I have come to this house and not been blown away by something she is doing, be that sawing alder branches to make buttons for hand knitted sweaters, perfecting her cheese recipe, building her sauna, or sharing with me how close she came to joining the Israeli Army, this woman is a wonder.


Both of them intellectual and progressive, both of them active and determined, both devoted to ideologies that promote sustainability and social justice. It would only make sense that these two, when they met in the winter of 1999, would find that they were perfectly suited for each other.

And they both know how to have a good time…

Love: a universal mystery. How does it happen that two people pick each other over all others?

Kate Crowley remembers the first moment she realized that something mysterious and miraculous was happening between Dale and Sharon. It was her birthday, 1999, and all she wanted was a big, huge, bonfire. When she made this request she had no idea what a difficult undertaking this was going to be, midwinter. As she remembers it, Sharon had worked all night baking. She then went to the house where the party was going to be and shoveled the snow to prepare a place for the fire. There was a lot of snow to shovel. I can’t remember if Kate told me that Sharon then hauled the wood single handedly after chain sawing it and made the fire with flint and straw, but it wouldn’t surprise me.

The fire was big and bright and Kate was thoroughly enjoying herself around this fire. She was standing, chatting with friends, when she looked across the fire ring and at Dale. He was sitting with his legs spread and between them he held Sharon’s feet. He was rubbing them there by the fire. He and Sharon were rapt with one another and she remembers that she felt, at that moment, that something extraordinary was happening between them. It was magic.

Today, ten years later, we witness an expression that is at once public and private, precious, sacred, and truly unique to the two of you. In this act of marriage, you open yourselves to a fuller experience and expression of the great, vast mystery called love.

How is it that two people could willingly allow themselves to endure the vulnerability and power that such love thrusts upon them? If a wedding ceremony is a public declaration of hope, what is it that we are hopeful for today? We are hopeful that we can use this love to overcome the obstacles that life presents. There is hope in the knowledge that two people in love take strength from each other and this strength can spread throughout our families and neighborhoods and into the world.

No ceremony can create your marriage. Only you can do that — through love, patience, dedication, perseverance — through talking and listening and trying to understand — through helping and supporting and believing in each other — through learning to forgive, learning to respect and appreciate your differences, and learning to make the important things matter and to let go of the rest. What this ceremony can do is to witness and affirm the choice you have made to begin a new, today, as partners for life. (From friendlyatheist.com)

Our reading today, which I quoted a piece from earlier, is from Michael Ignatieff's essay "Lodged in Heart and Memory".
"In the marriage ceremony, that moment when falling in love is replaced by the arduous drama of staying in love, the words "in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, till death do us part" set love in the temporal context in which it achieves its meaning. As time begins to elapse, one begins to love the other because they have shared the same experience. Selves may not intertwine; but lives do, and shared memory becomes as much of a bond as the bond of the flesh."



Sam, Blaise, will you present the rings?




Begin Vows



Dale

Do you, Sharon, promise to love and respect me?
Will you maintain a safe harbor for our love, our lives, and our family?
Will you sustain me with bread and cookies?
Will you grow together with me, with patience and support through all the seasons of our lives?
Sharon responds

(Dale Puts ring on Sharon)
Sharon
Do you Dale promise to love and respect me?
Will you maintain a safe harbor for our love, our lives, and our family?
Will you keep our family stocked with environmentally responsible products?
Will you grow together with me, with patience and support, through all the seasons of our lives?



Dale responds

(Sharon puts ring on Dale)



To all of you who have witnessed the vows Dale and Sharon have just made

Will you do everything in your power to see that this marriage relationship remains strong?

(Crowd responds)

Sharon and Dale have chosen to be joined in marriage, and have declared their choice to each other and in the presence of this company. They have publicly declared their Love for one another, deepening the bond they have already created with each other and with us, as a community, and sharing the hopefulness that such a love brings into life. They have given each other their promises, and have made their pledge by giving and receiving rings and by joining hands. Therefore, by the power vested in me by Sharon and Dale and by the witnesses present here today, I now pronounce you partners for life. You may kiss.

As we close the ceremony today, let us remember that even in the most joyous of times we must remember that there is still suffering in this world. That as stewards of this Earth, we must continue striving for sustainability and social justice. To remember that even as we celebrate a union of two people in an equation which is more than the sum of its parts, we still must work together until the world is a better place for everyone. In our moment of great joy, there is still suffering. And so we break a glass to remember this.

Then Dale can just wrap a glass in a cloth and stomp it.

Then everyone yells Mazel Tov and congrats and whoo-hoo.


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

First Day of School, 2010

After a summer with no routine to speak of, we acquiesce to the grind. 

Routine...

Willie woke  up without help and told me that he didn't realize how excited he was for school to start.  He is looking forward to seeing his friends.  He is looking forward to taking Kaylene out to lunch.  He packed all his stuff and didn't give me a hard time about anything. 

I'm not excited that he has to work tonight, but I am glad that he drove today because his bus would have been 20 minutes late to get him to school and that just won't do on the very first day.

There are things I love about living in this neighborhood in this part of Alaska.  I didn't notice anyone caring about whether everyone was wearing new school clothes.  Falcom, must try on all clothes before I can buy them for him.  This eliminates shopping online.  Does it matter?  Did anyone notice or care.  Sitting with him with his class I noticed that everyone had new inside shoes (because their feet had grown) but besides that...

He was nervous and excited.  He was concerned that his smile didn't look right.  He is worried about not being able to answer the question of the day at the doorway to the classroom and he'll spend his mornings in the hall.  I have a feeling he will have a great year.

Marina was in my room twice last night.  I woke in the morning and found her in my bed.  Is it because her pushki burn was itching or because she was anxious, I don't know.  We called to her only twice to wake up.  She came down dressed and ready.  She only complained about having to go one time.  She likes Debbie (her new teacher) and so she carried on.

This is the seventh sunny day of the summer. 

After the drop off we parental units stood out in front of the school, enjoying the sun.  We caught up on our kids, our families, our summers.  There have been so many changes.  Yet some things remain the same.  From the front door of the school, nothing has changed.  
The way the sun glistens off the ocean on a sunny day remains the same.  The fact that our children see a glacier everyday from school, making it as common as a soccer field, is phenomenal. 
Our children have more frequent "Moose Safety Drills" than "Stranger Danger" lectures.  No, it's not perfect (as last week proved), but it is comforting and natural.  There is support and reassurance and if it means we must wake up at 6.45 each morning...so be it!  

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Back to the Happy Stuff: Bridezilla

There is a secret bond among girlfriends.  This bond is a secret code where certain events are not revealed to outsiders.  This code is called G.I.P.P.A. or Girlfriend Information Personal Privacy Act.  If a person likes having girlfriends and likes being included in their wild activities, a person had better uphold the code.  The code of GIPPA was in effect for the Bridezilla Shower and thus my revelations about the evening will be vague.  Hopefully, these items will tickle your imagination.

1)  There was a cake with a creamy filling.

2)  There was a newlywed quiz with penalty for wrong answers.

3)  There was a new (to me) drink called the 'Car Bomb'.  It consisted of a shot of Kahlua and whisky dropped into a half full glass of Guinness.

4)  There was dancing.

5)  The Mel Mobile was full of moderately sober people.

6)  There was more dancing and examination of the package.

7)  There were spies whose not so secret methods of obtaining information were freaking out the tourists.

8)  There was a continued vow of silence!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Depressing Interlude: Update

There was a period of time when DeeJay was making the signature line on his cell phone "Gangster" or "Gangster 4 Life". This bothered me in every way imaginable. Today, Vince was mucking out the van that DeeJay was entertaining in and this shirt was among the items he found. The thought that there are girl versions of DeeJay in the world, soul mates of sorts, who would leave their clothes in a nasty blue van. The idea that there are so many of them t-shirts are printed in China on cheap fabric and sold at retailers across the United States. AUG! Let's just say I took great pleasure putting this t-shirt in the dumpster.

DeeJay made it to Guam just fine. He didn't know how to fill out the customs declarations and borrowed a phone to call me so I could tell him what to do. His voice was clear. He told me everything was great.

Well, everything is not great here. The van is disgusting, the paperwork to untangle his financial life is tricky, my sadness, Vince's anger, it's a difficult time.

It sounds like I've become a legend at McDonalds for my "nab and grab". Two of DeeJay's buddies were fired that night for coming in high.

I don't think he realizes it, but Willie has it the worst of all of us. He has been taking care of DeeJay his whole life and now he is having to muck up the mess DeeJay made. Everyone in McDonald's is asking him what has happened. Deejay's "friends" have been threatening him. After one particular "gangster partner" of DeeJay's threatened Willie, Vince had enough and went into McDonalds and had words with him, "Your problem is not with Willie, it's with me. You got something to say?"

Of course all the kid could say was, "If DeeJay got his own ticket could he come back?" We are hoping that is the end of it. We are coaching Willie on how not to be taken advantage of when old buddies of DeeJays come around looking for money from Willie. We are also going to be getting him out of McDonalds.

Most importantly, we are trying to help him learn how to take care of himself now that that is his only responsibility.

Willie found out that there is a "trailer on East End Rd somewhere down a trail where the meth people were taking DeeJay." It was their plan to get him really high, leave him in a ditch and take his van. Since he had already drained his bank account their plan makes sense.

Sending him was the right thing to do.

I feel great sadness still. Things are not quite right yet. I can't thank everyone enough for the phone calls and emails. It really does help our hearts knowing how much we are loved.
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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A Depressing Interjection: DeeJay Returns to Guam

I once had a dream in which I met with a Spiritual Master.  He was a gas station attendant in robes.  "What do you come for?" He asked.  I told him that I was unsure what to do about building my family.  I had self doubt.  He asked me, "What is the difference between a raspberry grown on this side of the bay and the other?" 

I ran through a long list of differences:  sun, rain, soil composition and nutrients, shade...

He said, "But is the essence of the fruit still a raspberry?"

This week I told a couple of friends about this dream.  It is one which I call on frequently to remind myself that regardless of how I nurture my children, the essence of each of them is still the unique mystery that they arrived on this Earth with.  I didn't know why I would feel compelled to share this dream until today.

Over the weekend I received more bad news about DeeJay.  Yesterday, I went to McDonald's to chat with him before work.  Willie was with me.  Willie was nervous and wondering what I was going to say, or do...  I told him I didn't know.  I silently asked for spiritual help, because honestly, I didn't know what I was going to do, but I did not want to freak out in McDonald's.

When he walked in I rose to meet him.  He was in really bad shape and he was really high.  I suppose this has been going on for a couple weeks since he's been hiding from us for that long. 

(How no one in management noticed this before they let him stand over a hot fryer is beyond me and something I am working on.) 

He wouldn't tell us what he was on, but I've known a lot of  drunk stoners in my day and they were (are) all much more pleasant than this.  I swept him up and outside and without too much trouble and not having to strong arm him too much, I got him into my car.  I proceeded to Mema's where she got him into a hot shower.  He has been wearing his McDonald's pants for so many days in a row that they are covered with tiny burn holes. 

I then took him to our house for a pleasant meal with Maygen (my strong arm) and Valda (my medical professional).  He spoke with both of his parents on the phone and we proceeded to buy him a ticket to Guam for the next morning.  Vince was doing his part by making lists of the most essential tasks that he must complete before leaving the state and by texting me help and reminders.  DeeJay remained calm and quiet, stiffening with rage occasionally but then giving in to his spaced out dead end.  He was agreeable for the most part, and aware that it was time for him to go.



We went to Suzanne's and packed his bag.  We went to Mema's and said good-bye.  It was 10pm and he slept all the way to Soldotna.  We talked with Vince and said goodbye.  He slept until I woke him for the plane. 

In contrast, Willie was a solid companion the entire journey.  We saw a wolf, a lynx, and an owl.  (I will be looking up their meanings soon.)  When we pulled into the airport at 3am he exclaimed, "Ooh!  Look Escalators!"  That is sure not what was on my mind after listening to DeeJay snore in the back of the car for four hours.

By this time he was agitated and starting to realize what was happening.  He would not talk to us, look at us, say anything pleasant to us.  We watched as he boarded the plane.

I realize that this is terribly honest for this blog. It is certainly not flattering to DeeJay.

He came to me 3 years ago with many problems.  I fought for him at every turn.  He was a full time kid.  I turned him loose with conditions for two weeks and he couldn't do it.  He couldn't even realize who his true friends were. 

I am trying to comfort myself by reminding myself of my Master in the dream.  I remind myself that I nurtured him with the most intensely fertile soil I had, and still, the essence of the boy that Lucy was so worried about three years ago remained intact.  He has a life path and he has chosen to stay on it, he has chosen not to become a big juicy buttery berry but instead to stay a small tart little nip. 

I have such a wonderfully supportive group of friends and family around me, near and far.  This would not have been possible without you all. 

And the reason for this posting is to let you know that I am so sad...  I love you DeeJay. I am sorry it had to end this way...

Monday, August 16, 2010

8 Ways to Make a Day Trip to Anchorage from Homer for Wedding Garb Effective and Fun!

1.  Choose an adaptable, flexible, smiley, goofy yet intelligent companion for this journey as you will be starting early, ending late and needing stimulating conversation.  The companion you choose should not be the type who keeps reminding you that you've known about this wedding for over six months and that this trip could be considered poor planning on your part.

  2.  Ask that friend to drive her new shiny high gas mileage car.  This way, as you drive well over the speed limit for those hundreds of miles to Anchorage, your bones will not be vibrated the point where your teeth are shook loose from your gums.

3.  When you get to Anchorage refuse to shop on an empty stomach.  Eat gorgeous foods that satisfy more than your hunger.  The time you spend waiting for this meal, consider what is truly important to shop for:  dresses for Bridezilla, dresses for wedding, disposable razors, school supplies, ect.  If the foods can not be gorgeous, they should be served by gorgeous people. 


4.  Use your mobile device to monitor your time in stores.  Agree on the amount of time you will spend in each store and set the alarm.  Set it for loud.  Stay focused on what you came into the store for in the first place.  Do not be distracted by all the things that shopping psychologists tell marketing specialists to place all over the stores.  When the alarm goes off move swiftly to the check out lane.  Tell your friend to get off her cell phone because it is time to go! 


5.  Once you are in line do not feel like you are in the 'line prison'.  The cart you have just filled can wait in line for you while you continue to shop.  There is an art to considering the amount of time you can shop while your cart holds your place in line.  For instance, if you are in a box store behind an Oxy addicted new mother who is bouncing checks, you will have time to visit the pharmacy and find and attendant who you can ask for jumbo sized hand sanitizer and return to the cart. 


5.  Dream big.  Can't you imagine us in perfect Bridezilla matching upholstery dresses for the Bridezilla shower?  When your dream dresses don't come in your currant dress size (that would be size V for voluptuous), don't let that stop you from continuing to shop.  Also, bring your amusement to the rest of the store.  Draw fellow shoppers into your shenanigans by having them help with picture taking.  You will also find that they can be very helpful with giving honest opinions about the different states of style you are going for.

6.  Don't take it personally when the clerks scold you for bringing too many delightful outfits into the dressing room.  Embrace the reality that of the five stalls that are full of customers trying on way more than three items, you are by far the hottest and that the clerks are jealous.  Of course they would pick you to scold!  The clerks are bitter, miserable, jealous people who can not help trying to bring you to their miserable level.  Do your best to  notice that one stall is filled with a daily customer who is BFF's with the clerk.  Remember that the other three stalls are taken up by one family who has flown in from a village near Bethel and have not seen themselves in the mirror in over six months.  Of course it will take them an hour to try on those three long skirts!  The clerks know better than to scold them as they are in a trance at the sight of themselves, like birds in a cage, or Cinderella before the ball.

7.  Take a moment after the scolding to reestablish your greatness.  Sort through your treasures and then find a dark corner of the store to try on your finds without being the object of someone else's warranted jealousy.


8.  Drive home in the knowledge that the day has been unbelievably successful and that no one at the Bridezilla party (who is over 40) will be as smoking hot as the two of you!