Homecoming

How I wish that this was a post gleefully announcing the homecoming of Vince from his hunting trip. Unfortunately, it is a commemorative issue reflecting on some of the challenges I have faced on my own this week.

I know women who are relieved when their husband leaves for a long trip. When the men are gone there is no more having to cooperate, explain, find their stuff, or be an ambassador about anything. Some of these women are even relieved not to have to partake in excessive canoodling. It's just them, and the kids, and they like it as they would like a vacation .

Be assured that I am not one of these women. As I formulate this post in my mind, I wonder if it will dispel the myth that things around this house are always orderly and peaceful... HA!

Although no one in our family cares about football, that does not mean that we did not participate in this years Homer High School Homecoming Festivities.

Falcom and Marina marched in the parade around the track at the half time show. The McNeil Dragon was a huge success. We participated in this after Aiden and Rio's birthday party at the movie theater. In order to be in the parade we had to miss Sam's birthday party, but that was going to be ok. I thought I was setting good boundaries for myself by not agreeing to drive to town, back out east for the party and then back to town to drop the kids with Mema. Sam understood.
DeeJay went to the dance. He had a very good time dancing every dance with many different girls. Grind dancing was forbidden, but I learned that indeed grind dancing was happening at the dance, and that someone we all know and love was partaking in this dance and was even pointed to by a chaperon as being too close! The joy!


Willie didn't get off work until 9. DeeJay was more than willing to bring him to the dance at nine and let him dance with girls in his McDonald's uniform, but, Willie lucked out and Brandon came and picked him up and took him to the Radeke's where he hung out until DeeJay got done.That next morning the boys and I were chatting on the couch. I was enjoying the conversation, hearing gossip from the dance, talking with them about their lives. Sometimes, when we are together like that and chatting I feel such a deep love for them. Even though we are chatting about nothing more than the hoochie mama's DeeJay has put on his video selection on his Ipod, I feel so proud to know that they are growing into fine men. (You should hear my version of "I'm In Love with a Stripper". Yes, it's a real song and you can imagine the parody that can go with that.) Then they brought the conversation around to drugs and alcohol and the three of us talked about Yap, Saipan, Guam, and why their parents sent them here. We all reminisced about memories that few Americans can imagine. This shared history was making me love the boys even more.

I even told them a story that some very good friends had told me in Safeway about their kids who bought a bong off the Internet and then lied and denied the entire thing. It is a very funny story and hearing it, made me feel so happy that those guys don't give me a very hard time. We all were very self congratulatory about having such a nice solid family.

That afternoon I went to a brunch for Jenny Martin's birthday. What a lovely party in a quaint post and beam right near our house. I went with Suzanne and got to paint plenty of toes. It was Fabulous! When I got home the kids were happy, DeeJay had taken Willie to work, all seemed well. The kids and I got busy doing something and DeeJay took a nap. He woke up a few minutes before he needed to leave to retrieve Willie from McDonald's. We talked about college applications. Everything seemed great.

At ten they were not home. At 10.30 they were not home. At 10.50 I heard a commotion down stairs. I don't like to shout and so I text ed DeeJay, "What is going on down there." He texts back. "mom so sorry so sorry mom van in ditch forgive me" This is when I shout. "GET UP HERE NOW!" as I am in bed. He knocks on the door and waits for me to answer. "DeeJay! I told you to come here...why are you knocking?" He opens the door and stands in the doorway swaying. He can't tell me where the car is. He can't tell me what happened. He doesn't know. He says he's just really tired.

I tell him to leave my room so that I can get dressed and he does not leave. I had to yell at him to leave. He couldn't understand what I was saying. I was annoyed to say the least. I got down to the kitchen and he is swaying, leaning against the counter. He can not walk a straight line. He is not making any sense and then I think...he is drunk!

Many regular blog readers may not realize that I can fire off like a rocket and that I sometimes joke that some days I narrowly avoid jail time after a bout of bad temper. He was telling me that he had not been drinking, that they had played basketball with Dillon and then they were coming home and that he started getting sick, really sick about half way home. That's when he got in the ditch.

In walks Willie while I'm mid-freak. They were going to use the plow truck to get it out? What? I take DeeJay's phone and call Valda. What if he had given himself a head injury? She rushed over to examine him. The van was deeply in the ditch on our side of our property on our road. Whew! Off the main road.

I came back and fully unloaded on both of the boys: "Where did you get the drinks" "I don't know mom, there was a friend who I don't know and whose name I don't know and he gave me a Coke and I was thirsty and I drank the whole thing. I don't know mom."

"What the heck BS is that?" "Did you not just see me in an accident this year?" "Did you not notice your brother having a problem before you let him behind the wheel?" "So, are you going to ride with every drunk you see?" "You are going to eat or drink anything anyone gives you no matter who they are or how you don't even know them?" "You don't have to text me anymore to let me know what you are doing?"

Willie had to walk DeeJay down to his bed because he could not get down the stairs by himself.

The worst part? I felt that they had really understood me that very morning. OH! The disappointments of parenting! Had I jinxed myself by sharing the story of the bong with them?
Valda and I discussed the situation. Something is not right. I'm sure DeeJay is lying. I mean come on, how many ridiculous things have I caught him doing. I mean, what about the bullet lighter at the airport security and his nearly getting escorted to jail by Homeland Security? Valda agreed that he was acting very unusual, but he is a good boy and a teen and he makes mistakes.

I went to bed knowing I had to wake up at 6 to drive to Soldotna for substitute teacher training the next morning, and sleep was not coming easily. I sent Vince a text even though I know that in the Brooks Range there is not cell reception. If Vince had been here he would have known what to do.

With the exception of a van being in the ditch, the morning brought nothing unusual to our regular routine. Well except that DeeJay was eager to be my slave and stand very close to me and tell me what his punishments should be. Yes, it is harsh. I was still hot like a pepper and not feeling at all compassionate. DeeJay's story and memory of the night made no sense and was vague at best. "Mom, I don't remember anything happening. The only thing is that we decided to stay and play basketball and we didn't tell you because we were afraid you would say no because of school the next day."

The long car ride was good for me. Talked to Suzanne. Talked to my mom. I got way less angry about an hour into the class and as the anger lifted the ADHD brain that was not listening to the lecture gave me a thought:

What if he wasn't lying. What if he didn't drink. What is the scenario if he was being honest? What would make him act like that? Blood sugar. He hadn't eaten all day and then slugged a coke or two and then played basketball. His blood sugar could have crashed...

It's not like the punishment changes if the motive changes. What if all of his oblique vernacular like, "Boy, I've learned a lot about the problems of drinking and especially drinking and driving!" leads me to say, "So DeeJay, are you admitting that you were drinking?" and then he says, "No mom, I mean, something was wrong with me, but I honestly don't think I had any alcohol. I would tell you mom!" I mean, what if I believe him and we go from there. You see, I know he would tell me now, because, I have done a very bad parent thing.

When I started to run the scenario of 'what if he's telling me the truth' it occurred to me that the good parent thing to do is to take him to the doctor. What if he is becoming diabetic. Every Pacific Islander is on the diabetes super highway. I even did a google search and learned that hypoglycemic events can mimic a drunk driving episode. I explained to DeeJay if he hadn't been drinking that I was going to have to take him in for some tests. What kind of tests? Well blood sugar tests and a scope. "What is a scope?"

"DeeJay, if you were not drinking they are going to have to stick a camera up your butt. If you just admit that you had been drinking we can avoid all of that and you won't have to have a camera put up your butt."

This is where I decided he may not be lying. He dropped his head into his hands and got tears in his eyes. "A camera up my butt! No! I don't want that! Oh Mom! Not a camera up my butt! but I wasn't drinking so I guess they'll have to do it. Will they knock me out first?" I told him to think on it and if in the morning he remembered some alcohol he might have drank we could avoid the doctor thing.

This is when I decided that perhaps he was not lying. Bad parent Alana has still not told him that I was lying about the scope and he still stands by his 'I wasn't drinking' scenario. I am so ready to go to work for the CIA or is it the FBI! What psycho interrogator am I? Having the tow truck come to pull him from the ditch cost $150. Having EVERY SINGLE PERSON in our neighborhood notice the accident and call us about it has been very embarrassing for him. Me too actually, as everyone thinks I was in another car wreck.

"Sometimes DeeJay, a mother becomes super angry with her kids, but you have to know, it's because she is scared to death that something terrible might happen to them."

"Yes mom, I think I've learned a lot about mothers and drunk driving." "So wait...were you drinking." "No, but if I had I know what would happen!"

DeeJay is grounded from driving, his cell phone, his social life. He can not take Willie to work. Willie is going to have to rearrange his work schedule and find a new creative way to get home if he is going to continue working because I am not going to leave the little kids at bed time to retrieve him. Willie has also lost his social privileges. Both boys are now my personal servants. I have no idea how long this punishment will last.

As you can see, I'm ready for Vince to come home now.