The Greear Family: Celebration of Life

Our trip to Seward was filled with beautiful sights. Allow me to outline them here:

10 bald eagles dancing in the air currents above the Ninilchick bluffs.
The lupins abloom along the roadsides.
The green mountains souring up above the swarms of fisherman standing in the Russian River.
The look on the young hitchhikers face when we explained to her that we were playing Ipod Roulette and that it was Marina's turn to pick the song and that Marina picked will.i.am's "Big and Chunky" and we all broke out in song, 'I like 'um big, I like 'um chunky'.
The hitchhiker saying, "This is the coolest family I've seen!" when we dropped her at her stop.
Falcom sang a beautiful rendition of "Will the Circle Be Unbroken" at the 'celebration'. Watch video below.

As a Religious Studies student, I thought Celebration of Life was a fabulous term. Of course, I felt this way during the years of my development when a young persons death was often seen by that person's peers as a gift, ala Billy Joel's, "Only the Good Die Young" or by grand children after watching a grand parent deteriorate to the point where the passing was a relief. These were also the years in my development where I didn't actually know anyone who had suffered and then died.

Now that I am firmly planted in middle age and I have had to witness the passing of several of my friends, each of whom had a 'Celebration of Life'. Because of this, I have had the opportunity to look more closely at this term.

Celebration of Life

Celebrate Life? Why do people fool themselves into thinking that their memorial services can be light hearted, happy events where people can have a few drinks and a laugh and leave feeling light hearted and gleeful about life on this planet? I'm not saying that memorials can not or should not be filled with laughs and love and liquor. In fact, I know that if I were to pass and have a memorial my friends would all come in drag and tell stories from my sordid past and the crowd would roar. I mean, I was a mall cop for God's sake, how could no one see the humor in that?

I simply feel that planning one of these events, calling it a Celebration of Life, and having the expectation that all mournful feelings should be compartmentalized, really misses the point. Can we say that we have had any impact to life on this planet if people can leave our memorial without shedding a tear? Shouldn't we leave the event feeling light hearted because we have shed our tears collectively?

I think my inner Buddhist would be happier if we referred to these events as 'A Validation of Life'. Once again I refer to the Four Noble Truths, Number One: Life is Suffering

We watched as brain cancer took over Chuck's body. We are relieved that he is no longer in pain and the suffering can end. We take great comfort in our faith that he has moved on to a better place. We spent time yesterday examining this point and are taking comfort in this fact. People brought wonderful food to share. The bar was full of friendly faces coming to share our shock and grief and offer us their condolences.

No, Chuck would not have wanted us to be sad. He would not have wanted us to spend the afternoon crying. Neither would Scott, or Kim, or Kelly... But guess what? Every child should learn what the Rolling Stones sang, "You can't always get what you want."

What about Phyllis's suffering without her son? What about Rick's suffering without his brother? Falcom and Marina have lost out on a family member who fully, unwaveringly, supported them for who they are. Who even on his death bed told Fal, "Stay true to who you are! Don't let them bring you down!" How often do we get that person in our lives? And Linda, where will her life lead her now that in the past 6 years she has buried her son, her first husband and now her second?

Don't misunderstand me. I do not feel that life is something that we endure before we pass to the next life. I have thoroughly relished this incarnation...it's good and it's bad. I take great joy in the memories of my family and friends who have gone to the next plane before me. When I think of my Grandmother stemming strawberries in her kitchen, wielding that paring knife at my Grandfather, saying, "I could kill him!" I laugh! I totally get where she was coming from, I see myself in her and I love her.

I love her! I laugh at the memory of her! AND I cry at the memory of how much I miss her.

My mother told me that when her mother died of cancer (she was a girl about the age Falcom is now when that happened) everyone came to her and said, "She's in such a better place." and my mom just wanted to scream, "A BETTER PLACE FOR WHO?". Chuck didn't want to go. He wasn't done with everything he wanted to do, and I think Phyllis would rather scream today than laugh and have a beer.