In the Iris Fields

Once again Vince proved himself to be an exceptional husband. Yesterday, I asked him if he would load up his new 4-wheeler and take me to our old house at the 'Red Meat Farm' so that we could go through the old cow pastures and down to the wild area above the bay so that we could pick iris. Without hesitation, he loaded up the wheeler and drove me the 4 miles to where the iris grow.

Iris don't grow just everywhere. They like a swampy open area with plenty of sun. They don't grow down on our forested hillsides. I used to try to go every year to pick them.

The last time I picked them was two years ago. Valda, the kids, Maygen and I hiked down to the iris fields. The cows are gone from the meadows and the hay grass has grown up five feet. I am allergic to this grass and by the time I got down to the picking area my eyes had swollen shut. We only got to pick for a few minutes before I had to run back to the car. I could not drive home my eyes were swollen shut. I haven't been back since.

I thought that this year would be different. With Vince driving me on his 4 wheeler and it being earlier in the year I thought that I'd have a chance.

We drove down the farm past the pole barns where the cows and owls lives. The mosquitoes are thick in that wet environment, but we planned ahead and wore our hooded jackets. We rode down the old cow road where Vince, Falcom, and I cut our first Christmas tree together 8 years ago. The memory of it rushed right back to me. It was a picturesque hike at the beginning. Very Norman Rockwell. We pulled Falcom in a sled that half mile down hill. It was beautiful in the pastures with the mountains in the background and everything covered in fresh snow. We hacksawed down a small spruce tree. Then the wind picked up and we slogged back uphill with the tree and the kid feeling an awful lot like the Donner Party. We have an artificial tree now.

Having Vince load up his wheeler and take me to the fields were so worth it! The iris were beautiful, growing up in the meadows. From where we stood on the old cow road we could peek through the spruce trees and see the blue speckled meadows beyond that the iris were thick in.

We didn't have to suffer through slogging through the muck. We were happy with the iris growing on the old cow road. We laughed at a memory of Scratch and I hiking together down there years ago. He and I had just turned the corner on that old cow road and about 50 yards ahead was a coyote. Scratch and that coyote made direct eye contact for about 5 seconds and Scratch was off. He chased that coyote through the bush and I'm sure caught her because Woody and I heard a yelp.

Four-wheelering down through the cow pasture was far superior to walking. It is not as loud as the snow machines and so I to hold onto him and chat with him while we meandered down the pasture. We didn't trip in the cow ruts and my allergies were kept at bay. We saw birds that we don't get to see at our place. We saw a spruce tree that we thought was covered in surveyors tape; it had pink weaving through it in such a way it looked like a Christmas tree. Upon closer examination the pink was actually rose blossoms from a vine that had entwined itself through the spruce. Beautiful!

Vince and I fought back the mosquitoes and picked several dozen flowers. He loaded the flowers and me back on the machine and we wheelered back up to the car.

By the time we got out of the pasture, a 10 minute ride, my eyes were swollen and my breathing was difficult. OY! Thank heaven for that wheeler. At the truck we found a yearling bull moose munching on alder leaves. The swelling in my eyes went down. My mosquito bites were minimal and my house is flooded with iris.

Celebration of Life

Our trip to Seward was filled with beautiful sights. Allow me to outline them here:

• 10 bald eagles dancing in the air currents above the Ninilchick bluffs.
• The lupins abloom along the roadsides.
• The green mountains souring up above the swarms of fisherman standing in the Russian River.
• The look on the young hitchhikers face when we explained to her that we were playing Ipod Roulette and that it was Marina's turn to pick the song and that Marina picked will.i.am's "Big and Chunky" and we all broke out in song, 'I like 'um big, I like 'um chunky'.
• The hitchhiker saying, "This is the coolest family I've seen!" when we dropped her at her stop.
• Falcom sang a beautiful rendition of "Will the Circle Be Unbroken" at the 'celebration'. Watch video below.

As a Religious Studies student, I thought Celebration of Life was a fabulous term. Of course, I felt this way during the years of my development when a young persons death was often seen by that person's peers as a gift, ala Billy Joel's, "Only the Good Die Young" or by grand children after watching a grand parent deteriorate to the point where the passing was a relief. These were also the years in my development where I didn't actually know anyone who had suffered and then died.

Now that I am firmly planted in middle age and I have had to witness the passing of several of my friends, each of whom had a 'Celebration of Life'. Because of this, I have had the opportunity to look more closely at this term.

Celebration of Life

Celebrate Life? Why do people fool themselves into thinking that their memorial services can be light hearted, happy events where people can have a few drinks and a laugh and leave feeling light hearted and gleeful about life on this planet? I'm not saying that memorials can not or should not be filled with laughs and love and liquor. In fact, I know that if I were to pass and have a memorial my friends would all come in drag and tell stories from my sordid past and the crowd would roar. I mean, I was a mall cop for God's sake, how could no one see the humor in that?

I simply feel that planning one of these events, calling it a Celebration of Life, and having the expectation that all mournful feelings should be compartmentalized, really misses the point. Can we say that we have had any impact to life on this planet if people can leave our memorial without shedding a tear? Shouldn't we leave the event feeling light hearted because we have shed our tears collectively?

I think my inner Buddhist would be happier if we referred to these events as 'A Validation of Life'. Once again I refer to the Four Noble Truths, Number One: Life is Suffering

We watched as brain cancer took over Chuck's body. We are relieved that he is no longer in pain and the suffering can end. We take great comfort in our faith that he has moved on to a better place. We spent time yesterday examining this point and are taking comfort in this fact. People brought wonderful food to share. The bar was full of friendly faces coming to share our shock and grief and offer us their condolences.

No, Chuck would not have wanted us to be sad. He would not have wanted us to spend the afternoon crying. Neither would Scott, or Kim, or Kelly... But guess what? Every child should learn what the Rolling Stones sang, "You can't always get what you want."

What about Phyllis's suffering without her son? What about Rick's suffering without his brother? Falcom and Marina have lost out on a family member who fully, unwaveringly, supported them for who they are. Who even on his death bed told Fal, "Stay true to who you are! Don't let them bring you down!" How often do we get that person in our lives? And Linda, where will her life lead her now that in the past 6 years she has buried her son, her first husband and now her second?

Don't misunderstand me. I do not feel that life is something that we endure before we pass to the next life. I have thoroughly relished this incarnation...it's good and it's bad. I take great joy in the memories of my family and friends who have gone to the next plane before me. When I think of my Grandmother stemming strawberries in her kitchen, wielding that paring knife at my Grandfather, saying, "I could kill him!" I laugh! I totally get where she was coming from, I see myself in her and I love her.

I love her! I laugh at the memory of her! AND I cry at the memory of how much I miss her.

My mother told me that when her mother died of cancer (she was a girl about the age Falcom is now when that happened) everyone came to her and said, "She's in such a better place." and my mom just wanted to scream, "A BETTER PLACE FOR WHO?". Chuck didn't want to go. He wasn't done with everything he wanted to do, and I think Phyllis would rather scream today than laugh and have a beer.Celebrate. Let's Celebrate the Validation of the Passing of an Important Life.

Little Birds

Vince called from Seward. The baby robins have flown, and so has our cousin Chuck.

For them, in Seward, the final whirlwind of preparations has just begun.

For us in Homer, we begin preparing for our final drive to Seward for Chuck's Memorial.

For Chuck, he has been prepared perfectly for wherever his flight takes him...

Happy Fathers Day!

Dear Vince;

You are a terrific dad and partner. Thank you for all you do. In order to fully show my appreciation to you, the kids and I picked out something we thought you might like. Happy Father's Day! Are you surprised? After you ride it around a while, assuring us it's a 'family machine' we will go to Mema's for dinner and to have some truly great pie...Pear-Cherry.

Can't you feel the excitement as Vince chats with Valda and Mom about...anything. Then we went home to watch Madagascar 2...again. These two events prove that you are a great family man. (The penguins never loose their charm, do they?)

Seriously though, we all love you very much. I am especially grateful to have such a great partner and husband.

Happy Father's Day,

Alana

Seldovia Summer Solstice Music Festival

There is no better town in Alaska for families with independent (read that to mean 'occasionally feral') children than Seldovia.

Without hardly any cars, beaches all around, flowers, trees, playground, swimming pool, and places to get out of the rain, Seldovia is a fun place, where a 'kid can be a kid' without having to stay inside watching PBS TV all day to do it.

Emma and Marina spent hours on the harbor sheol playing in the tide and looking for treasures. Tillman found an old rusted gun. No, I doubt it was a murder weapon ditched at sea.
We took our boat over Friday morning. Gage and her family joined us. Also, a new friend Gina came along. Steve R. also accompanied us and brought his boat so there was plenty of room for everyone. This picture is of Gage and her husband Julianne, enjoying the sun after a latte.

In the past we have camped, but the weather and the volume of people involved lead us to choose the 'hotel room' option. We stayed right above the Main grocery store in a suite room. There was a kitchenette, a deck looking out at Seldovia Bay, and a hot tub for the kids to play in.
Willie was walking along the Boardwalk and this eagle landed right beside him. Yes, it is real. Yes, he was able to take this picture. I have done no editing of this picture. It was that close!

I always want to move to Seldovia after spending the weekend there. Someday, when I have the need for a get away studio, it will be in Seldovia.

For the time being however, it may be a little too laid back for Alana in real time. I have huge social needs. I enjoy eating out. I enjoy a movie every week. I like to not be held back from my travel plans by bad weather. But someday, someday when I need beautiful Alaskan quiet somewhere where everyone knows me but no one cares, it will be in Seldovia.

Everyday Vince and Gina went fishing. This picture is of Vince cleaning his catch at the fish cleaning table. The kids all played together and rode their bikes around town. Marina got to shop for whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. (This usually meant ice cream.) I did yoga Saturday morning and drank coffee in the sun and the rain. In the evenings, we had fresh halibut dinners sitting out on the deck of our hotel. Afterwords, we went to the music festival. The headliner this year was Gaelic/Celtic. I have to say that I didn't really get it, but I was the only person at the festival with that problem. It reminded me of when I was a mall cop in Saipan and I was not getting why the mall had to keep playing 'local music'. Now that we are in Alaska, I love hearing local music. It just takes me right back. Maybe someday I'll feel the same about Gaelic?

This is the view from the bedroom window of our hotel room at 10.30 pm AKDT. I took this picture to show the difference between my winter sunrise collection and my summer sunset collection. A sunny day on summer solstice...it is mind blowing.

He Did It!!!

Picture 1: DeeJay in the parking lot at the DMV. Mood, nervous. We spent the entire morning practicing by driving all over town. It has been nearly a year to the day that DeeJay recieved his permit, and now he is back for the ultimate DMV exam... The road test.

Picture 2: DeeJay waiting for his appointment time. Mood: Slightly anxious but confident. Can he remember everything?Picture 3: Deejay Does It! With Brandon and Mariah Radeke looking over his shoulder, a super elated DeeJay steps back into the DMV office to get his official license. As the proctor entered the building she said,

"I wish all my new drivers were as good as him."

She doesn't seem to be the type who would feel the need to make that up.

Both women were happy to see DeeJay pass. They too were very excited for him.

We are very proud of your accomplishment DeeJay! Sorry Dad took the truck to Soldotna this week so you won't be able to hit the road until Friday. (Remember that local drivers, Friday... I'm kidding!) We got in the car and hugged and hugged. He bought gas to thank Mema for the use of her truck and on the way back home he said, "I'm still happy!" We Love You DeeJay!

(He just came home for dinner and said, "I'm still so happy! When does Dad get home?")

A Weekend at Home

It has been a subdued weekend here in Homer Alaska.

Marina has been spending her free time picking lupine.

We spent a morning at Gage and Bobo's house painting nails in the sun (yes, this is the first house Vince and I lived in together).

Gage's son Tillman had a birthday party at the movie theater. That will certainly take the place of a pool party next year!

We took a boat ride to Halibut Cove Lagoon to check out the King Salmon situation and to visit with our new friends.

Vince and I both felt incredibly peaceful to be out on the water with our kids. The Homer version of a Sunday Drive.

All the while, DeeJay was with Mema practicing his driving as he will be taking the test for his license in her car tomorrow!

Pictures from Seward

Maps can be deceptive. Many people who have not lived in Alaska look at the map of our state and try to imagine the amount of time it takes to travel from town to town; Homer to Anchorage, Homer to Fairbanks, Homer to pretty much anywhere. The perspective is a little screwed up.

I am always impressed when we receive visitors and they allow us to pick them up in Anchorage or let us drop them off there. It's a 4 to 5 hour drive and many of the guests don't realize the distance after they've looked at it on a map. It is an amazingly beautiful drive, but a long one none the less. You see, it's just that I can't bare the thought of a friend paying over $200 round trip per person from Anchorage to Homer when we have the most useful rig on the road, "The Mel Mobile".

The cool thing about all this driving with the kids is that they rarely ask, "How much longer until we get there." because they know the answer... forever. Because we don't have electronic equipment they are very mellow travelers who are good at amusing themselves. I know, it is weird.

I was especially impressed when my Aunt Carolyn and my Auntie Lynn (Caroline's Sister-In-Law) allowed us to drive them back to the airport for their flight to St. Louis via Seward so that we could drop into Seward on Aunt Phyllis and Chuck.

We aren't cruel, we didn't make them sleep in the Mel Mobile, they stayed in a circa 1945 tiny hotel room. They did spend their evening hanging out by the fire and roasting marshmallows with the family. Yes, they enjoyed it very much.

We ate in our favorite restaurant, The Smoke Shack. This picture is of Willie at the Smoke Shack. He had never seen a train up close before. The girls shopped around Seward, watched the kids ride bikes and play at the park, and hiked Exit Glacier. We visited a fish ladder run by Cook Inlet Aquaculture Association, Bear Creek Hatchery. This was the high point of the kids trip to Seward and we spent several hours working the ware with the biologists. Where else in the country would the kids be allowed to have a total hands on experience without a safety briefing and a harness? Yes, we were there for hours.

I was trying to capture a picture of the fish jumping and could not get it. This is an incredibly difficult image to capture, believe it or not. So, when you see that iconoclastic picture of that bear with the fish going right into it's mouth, take a moment to honor that lucky photographer. Marina said, "Mom, let me try." and on her first snap caught this fish.

She has Beginners Mind.

After we had been there for a while a bus of tourists came from a cruise ship. There were two kids in the group younger than my two and both of my kids took them under wing to give them a full tour of the facility. The cruise ship tour guide was fully freaking out. Not only was he being upstaged at his job, but was being hyper safety conscious and this is when I realized how incredibly unsafe this must seem to people not from our state. The kids loved it.

After this long day, my mom and I hopped in the Mel Mobile with the Aunties and drove them to Anchorage (a two and a half hour drive) to the airport. We got there with time to spare and said a satisfied and sad goodbye. I am so lucky to have such a strong family.

It was now 11pm and my mom and I were driving around Anchorage needing sleep. Of all my travels, Anchorage in summer is the most expensive place to get a bed. Absolutely. Got $200 a night for a decent place? Got $150 for a hole in the wall?

Mom and I decided to sleep in the van. We pulled in to the parking lot at Sam's Club near the MacDonald's where the RV's were set up. Mom hung tee shirts in the windows. As we laid there underneath our sleeping bags, strategizing about what we would do if we had to pee in the night, I said, "Mom, I am so proud to have a mom who, at your age, is still willing to sleep in the back of a van in a parking lot in the middle of a city. It is cool to have such an easy going brave mom."

The next morning at 6am, we watched the sun shine on the mountains behind the Sam's Club from the Formica seats of the McDonald's. It's hard to admit this, but I had a perfect moment. In the margin of my Sudoku book I wrote this note:

Perfect

A sunny window

Sade playing overhead

Old Asian meeting; loud chatting over coffee in an old language with earphones of ipods in their ears

Invigorated internally from hilarious image of Mom and I sleeping in van,
while Mom saves $0.50 by ordering a Senior Coffee here at McDonald's

The drive back from Anchorage to Seward was peaceful. It was great to be alone with my mom. In Seward, the kids had taken a great hike with Vince up into the mountains which surround Seward and had gone back to the fish ladder, where they 'worked' a shift. We considered staying another night, but Phyllis seemed to be doing OK, and she promised to call us... Chuck is getting closer to his translation. During his awake times he was very interested in our putting him in the car for a road trip to Homer. When I kissed him goodbye all I could tell him was, "I'll meet you out in the car." It seemed to be enough. Then he hugged the kids and said good-bye. Outside his room, in the tree the little robin has hatched her babies and they seem to be doing well.

Transitions, translations, trust...

Seward-Like a Second Home

We are again in Seward, enjoying sun, family and cement. Tonight, I take my Aunties to Anchorage. Mema and I will camp in the Mel Mobile while the remaining members of the Greear Family stay here in Seward awaiting our return.

More to come...

Callie and Torrey's Wedding

This afternoon we were honored to celebrate the marriage of a young man who we have watched grow up...Torrey Short.

The theme colors were peacock and the wedding party were dressed in teals and mauve and purple. The men had orchids and peacock feathers in the boutonnieres. This wedding was a the perfect middle of the two types of wedding one traditionally finds here in Homer. Those being the standard potluck w/extra tuffs or over the top all you can eat oyster bar with harp player. Callie planned things right in the middle and Vince and I think it turned out just perfect.

For example; Homer Style: The ceremony was preformed by one of their best friends who was granted ministerial authority for the day (this method has worked out fantastically for another couple we all know and love ;]). Traditional Style: The invitation said that the wedding was at three. Sure enough, the wedding started at three and there were more than a few folks, living on Homer time, running up the road, gifts in hand, while the couple were reciting their vows. I even overheard one gal say, "But it's only three fifteen, we aren't late!"

In Traditional Style, the rain/sun tents had lovely Chinese lanterns hanging inside, the buffet was done by Fritz Creek and was delicious. In Homer Style the only people sitting under the tents were the wedding party. Everyone else was sitting out in the lawn in the glorious sun. When the wedding party had finished eating they were out in the sun as well and the tents and those tables were left empty for the remainder of the afternoon.

We relished the beautiful reception in the warm sun (there was not even a day breeze). Vince found a friend and chatted about Indonesia. I spent a lot of time watching the young people, who I remember as small children, dance. There was a part of me that wanted to grab the mic and remind them, "This is as beautiful and healthy as you may ever be! Enjoy every minute! Cast aside your self doubt and self consciousness and enjoy your selves..." But I didn't. They wouldn't have understood what I meant anyway.

And then there were the bride and groom. What a beautiful couple! Torrey is a steady man. He knows how he feels and he is unwavering. He is a firefighter and he has traveled the world and he met Callie and that was that. The way he looked at her throughout the ceremony got me thinking.


Most people who read this blog have read the Twilight series of young adult books. I can say that most readers even have been addicted to these books. My friend De even posted a cartoon on her blog about women's Bible study time becoming Twilight discussion groups (very very funny). I've read the books, but I am so crotchety, I can't get over this heroine and her poor decision making skills. The entire way through the novel he is being honest and telling her that no good can come out of her being with him, and yet she continues to devote herself to him. In my mind it is the antitheses of what we try to teach our daughters; "If he says he's no good for you there is probably a reason." "Just because he got out of rehab and has been clean for two weeks does not mean he's over it." "You can't change him or fix him. Not possible."

Because of this, you can imagine my shock when my stanch feminist friend (whose name I will not mention here) confessed to reading the entire series, like an addict, for a week of her vacation. When I brought up my theory about the books and my shock that she could get passed that she said, "Alana, it's not about the heroine or that dysfunctional relationship. It's not even about all that subliminal sex words, like 'sucking, hard body, inhaling'. It is the males in the story. They all epitomize what women crave in a partner. It does not matter that she is a moody b****. Those men give her full eye contact always. Edward wants to hear what she has to say always. What he wants does not matter to what she wants. The men are always about her and they act as her safety net. No, these novels are not about her at all..."

The wedding today proved Mindy's (oops sorry) point. I realized that his intensity is what locked me into my true love and I can tell it is what Callie finds in her true love.

When I look at Torrey I imagine that his bachelor party was a sublime affair in which he would not have tolerated anyone thinking it was funny to put a ball and chain around his ankle. He kept one eye on Callie the entire evening. He showed no reservations or nervousness. He probably would have been just as happy to marry at the fish cleaning tables or fire hall, but he happily went on with every plan Callie wanted to make. He is her Edward.

It is obvious that he is completely loyal and devoted to this woman, and she respects him and honors him with this same intensity.

My Edward and I ended the evening by dancing and laughing in the sun.